Figuring it out...

So I am in Nashville.... crazy I know. I've been here two weeks tomorrow and it still only feels like a day or two. I'm missing everyone alot lately...all the girls from C'dale, my family, my love. I am one to embrace change, I am, but i guess i just wasn't expecting it to just be like..BHAM! SLAM! CHANGE! I feel like i am handling it well for such an abrupt turn-about.

My apartment...well... I got new carpet which was awesome! But...my bathroom door is a slidding curtian, there was no lock on my sliding glass door. Our shower didn't work for a day, the cabinet below our sink was rotted through, the light was out in the dark alley where our door is, and these last few days we found a leak that was coming from our upstairs neighbor's leaky tub pipes. Everything but the leak has been fixed so far. Every time we tell someone where we live they are like..."Ohhhhh... you live there!?.. Do you feel safe?!" So apparently we live in a kind of shady part of town. We havent had cable yet either. We've been playing phone tag with the cable man for when is a good time for him to come over. We've been watching DVD's on our computers and just hoping there is no big alerting news.

My roommate, Kelsey, is a doll! We are basically the same person when it comes to everything except for beans, chocolate and vanilla, anxiety, cars, and hair color. We cooked when we got bored last week. This weekend we are planning on making a trip into downtown so we can get some decretive pictures for the apt. Another big difference.... i have a duke shirt and she is from the UNC... i'm not really sure i have permission to wear it.

The job at the record label is pretty cool. We are updating and creating social networking pages for all of the artists under the INO Label. We do mail-outs that are crazy time consuming... We've meet really awesome people! Tonight, we were invited to a fund raising dinner for a local radio station where we were fed dinner and then it was a Third Day concert. Last week, Kelsey got to go on a photo shoot with Building 429. and I get to go on when in the middle of June. Philips Craig and Dean... dont tell Dad... its gonna be a little surprise for fathers day.

Target is cool. All i do for 5 hours at a time is ring people up at target. There are so many people... I have fun just creating stories for all the different people that come in. We have probably more fun then we should, but i cant get bored. The discount is great... but i dont think i've worked yet where i havent bought something... mind you...its usually a soda....but still. Yesterday i got a record player for $9! I know its pretty sweet!

As far a me personally... i'm doing alright. I'm looking for guidance daily about where to go to chuch. We went to one last week and I could feel God saying that he didnt need me there. I really want to find somewhere though where i can get plugged in. Kelsey makes fun of me all the time because i have to be doing something... and it's true... im usually doing something...like dishes or cleaning, or creating something or cooking... i really never sit and relax... i think i'm almost kind of scared to... i'll start thinking too much and miss people.... I talk to nathan every night and i'm slowly dying inside to think that i have no idea when i get to see him again. I'm not sure if this is just a girl thing for girls with boyfrinds.. but im getting worried that i might gain this streak of womanly independance and i almost dont want that because i will always need nathan. or i guess i should say that i dont ever what to be ok without him. do you know what i mean??

Forrest is doing well.. she has made a couple friends with the cats that come up to the window out side. At nights we will catch her running from my window to the sliding glass door in the living room and then back to my window... she's not used to so little human contact so shes super anxious to see us when we come home. I'll take pictures and put them up soon.. it's just that the place isnt complete and i want it to look how its supposed to.

please come and visit me. I miss everyone. Nathan said i sound quieter and more sad on the phone. I dont mean to i think im just slowly getting lonely...

2 Days Left

In an attempt to capture my feelings so I remember what it feels like these last days of class, I really have no desire to remember them. As much as I thought I might be completely relieved,I am more totally anxious and stressed. My allergies make me feel like I have the worst cold in the entire world. When you are allergic to every tree in Illinois, this is how it feels and I just need to get over it.

I only have 1 homework assignment due as a final. Everything else is just studying for two tests that I have next thursday. My room is mostly boxed up. I have enough clothes for a week and I have to wear each of those close once, wash them and then wear them again next week.

I've found myself thinking really hard lately about what it might feel like this time next week or this time two weeks from now. Next week I will be desperately studying to pass a MGMT class and two weeks from now, I will be frantically going through all my belongings in my head and finding out where they are going to go in the apartment.

I got my first graduation card today. This is really surreal to me. I only have 4 days left of work here in carbondale. I have two hours left of class. I have about 48 hours left of outside work. You know the crazy part...it's been sitting in my head.... but i just realized yesterday that tomorrow is my birthday. The sad things.... i only have 9 more days with my best friends... 9 more days.

I praise God for everything He's shown me here. And I praise Him for everything he is going to provide for me. I really hope He doesn't mind that I'm still scared. Happy Birthday Shannon, today! Happy Birthday to me, tomorrow! Thank you for my Mom and Dad Jesus, and thanks for convincing my dad that daughters are way better than sons. :)

"...My cup overfloweth and I care about the stain..."

I was blessed with the ability to have full confidence in future. I surprise myself many a times with how okay I am with life and with the directions God chooses to take me. Lately, I have been traveling a lot. I was in Louisville, KY, Nashville, TN I'm heading to Atlanta, GA this weekend, then next week I am going to a concert in St. Louis, MO and next weekend we head to New Orleans for our mission trip. God's showing me different opportunities to see what he's doing in the world.

God teaches me daily, I know this, but lately he has been teaching me about how judgmental I am. Women often seem to lean in that persuasion. I was talking to God last night and he showed me the gift he gave me in understanding the heart of people and consoling someone when they need a pick-me-up. Yet my sinful nature has the best of me and I judge. Sometimes I get so mad at my self for selfish emotions. If someone told me to get over myself I would be so hurt, but sometimes I feel just telling myself that I don't get the same affect.

I am in awe every day of Nathan's love for me. I didn't realize I was that likable for one thing, and I know that I am terribly annoying. God just reveals to me everyday little snippets of my future. Nathan and I will joke, or make decisions, or he'll grab my hand and I feel God saying, "See, this is just a preview of the amazing things I have in store for you and Nathan." I'm so blessed and most of the time it surpasses me and I don't give a rip.

I'll finish with a quote that I heard in the Caedmon's Call song I heard:
"...My cup overfloweth and I care about the stain..."