Tug of War

Man, I am struggling with keeping this up to date. SBT...

I got on FB yesterday and I was just crushed. I saw the World Changers/PowerPlant pictures and my heart was just broken. All I wanted to do was be there. (Ok here is where I might start writing things that someone at work might see and get offended, but I want you to know that I don't NOT appreciate the job, I am just speaking truthfully from my heart) I miss working for people. I miss direct service. I miss youth. I miss my freedoms. I miss it when I would work and not focus on the time.

My heart is just telling me that I am not giving at my capcity and I miss that so much. I haven't roofed a house in years. I haven't gone on a mission trip in over three years. I moved into this house and I can't utalize it, because I don't have free time. I am finding myself at a place in life where I dont have the faith in God's power like I used to, because I don't NEED it. I don't like that feeling. I have a 9 to 5, and a roof over my head, and 401K (503B actually) and a paycheck. I hate that I am blending in to the workforce I think. I am at the stage of life where I wanted to be doing what I could before I got married, and now, I am in a routine...the exact opposite.

My heart hurts right now and to fix it would be irresponsible and not for the greater good. It would be self pleasing and finacially dumb.

God's got me. He always does. I just hope that I'm gripping with a tight enough grasp to feel the tug.

On a slightly lighter note...

Mac is doing well. He graduated from Puppy class last friday. He got first place in the tale wagging compotition and 3rd in Sit stay and down stay. We have a few little spats now and again, but he chillaxes in the kitchen while im at work and then we walk or play when I get home. He's my love and I try to take him everywhere I go. :)

Nathan is at Appalachain Outreach in Jefferson City, TN this summer...yet another summer apart, but it will be 4 years a month from yesterday... wierd isn't it... yeah i know.

Ok off to bed. Thank you for listening to my heart for a while and humoring me.. Miss all of you who are far away.